Teenagers Cause Winter=

"Teenagers Cause Winter" is the topic sentence of "Agents of Ice” Gary L. Gaile and Dean M. Hanink (1985) AREA 17(2):165-167.

I must admit I had not read anything from the journal Area and must credit David Greenland (Andrews (AND) and Niwot (NWT): Retired)) for passing it along to me. 

David, on his stick-on yellow slip, noted, "Gary is very good at this."

Let’s look at a bit of Gary's data to get started.  The hypothesis that teenagers cause winter, i.e. that the more teenagers there are in the population the more winter-like winter is!  Gary uses the % of the population between 5 and 17 years of age to track the causers and mean January Temperature to index winter severity.  Gary's regression is Temperature = 180.3 - 7.04 Age [R = -0.869, a = 0.0001, R squared = 0.755, F = 203.6].    Gary used 68 U.S. stations as the data source for torture.  At the children-shall-rule end of the spectrum is St. Cloud, MN with 23.2% of the population with skin problems and a January mean temperature of 8.9 F.  Ft. Lauderdale (naturally) has only 16.1% of the population invested in youth and a nice 66.8 F average January temperature.

I have a good friend who claims that ecologists as a lot have failed the Darwin's test.  In my department non-adopted offsprings of our academic faculty calling themselves ecologists are but 2!  By Gary's calculus, ecologists must be a force for global warming. 

Gary's bibliography is helpful.

Allen, J.L. (1954 Chevrolet) 'Killer teens: the Lewis and Clark expedition' in Belmonts, Dion and the  (eds) Festschrift for Dobie Gillis (Beach Blanket Press, Malibu CA), 212-490 + maps and apology.

Allen, J. L. (1985) 'The Holly-Bopper expedition' in Scott, Willard (ed.) Flights of fancy (Tomorrow's News Today Press, Burbank CA), available only on Video Disc.

Wilmontt, P. J. (1984) 'Climastrology: what's your sign and why you treat me so cold? Journal of Adolescent Climatology 17(2)3-4.

Gary’s list of needed future research:

  1. What is the effect of marijuana smoke or acne vapor on the ozone layer? 
  2. Do the more efficient digestive systems of teenagers substantially reduce the amount of super heated gaseous effluent in the atmosphere? 
  3. What did Meg Trudeau do with the Rolling Stones?
  4. Can teenagers and winter be eliminated?

Causality:

  1. Teenagers try to act cool.
  2. It is also known that they frequently leave the refrigerator door open. 
  3. Youth import snow from Colombia.
  4. They grow long hair for natural protection and they move south when balding sets in.
  5. In the summer they soak up the rays. 

AREA appears to be a journal worth reading.  If your library doesn't carry it, use inter-library loan.

Thanks to David Greenland for this chaser in the never-ending hunt for causality.

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